lys&ladies

The first day of January, I woke up with such an urgency to ask God “what will this year be like??”Will it be one of those years that I feel like I have to “work” for my salvation, or will it be one where I cry going to bed because I feel your presence so near? Will I have trial after trial, will I lose anyone I love? Is this the year my friends and some family will fully encounter you, God?! so many questions, which usually is the story of my life, and my conversations/prayers with God. and for the first time in a long time, I felt God just telling me to Abide. Sure, I know what Abide means but for some reason that hit me deep. It’s not about how many questions you can ask God, what you can receive from him, where you are going to live, what the next year will look like…all that matters is that I am secure in HIM & His love.

Yes, I am the Vine; you are the branches. Those who abide in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not abide in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. But if you abide in me and my words abide in you, you may ask for anything you want and it will be granted – John:5-7

The past, I’ll say 5 months, has been very overwhelming, emotionally draining, time-consuming, and life altering. I had been finishing 2014 feeling guilty for “not giving God 100%” of my time, because life with a newborn seemed to take up my entire day…if it wasn’t the baby feeding, we were napping, trying to keep up the house, 2hrs of sleep a night, ministry outreaches &meetings 3x a week…I felt lost in life, this tiny infant was taking every amount of energy I had left, so sitting down at night to read my bible seemed almost impossible. In the back of my mind I felt so guilty, because I knew that’s exactly what I should be doing..reading, journaling, studying, being “all in”…you know, saved stuff. I never once doubted my love for God, or that I wanted to do anything besides serve HIM&live for Him, I just knew I was doing a terrible Job at showing Him. I didn’t realize how hard I was on myself, until God showed me what matters more to Him. HE gave me such a grace in that time, to still be the daughter that He loved…while I was managing having the daughter that I loved. When God told me to just abide in Him, I felt all the (I’ll call it, self condemnation) come off me. The feeling of “If I don’t read my bible every day HE wont love me” all faded away, and I felt free to worship Him, by prayer, by worship, and thanking Him for the grace that He gave me to overcome a beautiful, life altering season of my life. For months I didn’t tell anyone, how I really felt, I thought it was a feeling that I could fight alone, and once I get my “priorities” straight I would be able to feel “on fire” again. & this might exactly be why GOD has put it on my heart to write. For myself & For others. That even if you are the “preachers wife”, and you have a million standards to live up to, all that really matters is YOU are not alone in this, that God will still love you through every season…and soon, you will be back on your feet. You will have special time with God, you will be able to read, you will feel the Holy Spirit again, you are not too far gone..I know, because Ive been there. Be thankful for this breath, its your opportunity to change.

Abide: to accept or bear, stay or live, to remain or continue.

Abide in His LOVE